First and foremost before I write anything, I just want to thank the ones who’s been here and never left my side. You guys are the best. I appreciate every single one of you. I knew I was going to be away for a while, but not for this long. I know I always have to explain my reasoning on why I’ve been away because I feel like I owe you a reason on why I disappeared out of nowhere. You deserve to know. Alright… Here goes nothing…
I got my heart broken. No, it wasn’t from a guy or a family member, friend, or etc.
It was me. I broke my own heart into pieces. Now that I’m back to feeling like myself, I can finally admit that I was hurting on the inside. During this time, I was out of work for a month… I didn’t know what to do. I was broke, no money, trying to please my mother, a lot of breakdowns, and a devil telling me to give up on your goals and just go back home and get a factory job. Not saying there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just there’s a lot of unfinished business I have here where I live and I didn’t want to give up everything I pretty much worked for all away. Yeah, I had my friends there for me trying the best they can to help me but there was only so much they could do. It was up to me whether I really wanted this or not. Trust me, I fought every single day. I didn’t want to get out of bed, eat, or sleep. A couple of days later, I got a call from a job that’s in my career field. Thankful it pays very well. I’m finally okay, I feel like I can keep going… I cried but prayed everyday. My great friend and her roommate took me to church to get the help that I needed. That was very much needed and I thank them for that.
My blog was always in the back of my mind. Everytime I think about blogging or anything creative I like to do, my motivation for it just went away. I lost my passion for photography, videography, and blogging. I felt bad about it for a very long time and I questioned myself over and over is this for me. I started to compare myself to others like oh I’m not moving fast enough, what’s best for me, am I’m not good enough for this industry? There was a bunch of questions I questioned myself because I didn’t believe in myself. I felt like I couldn’t do it and it wasn’t for me. I felt like I let myself down and got stuck in this position where I forgot who I was in the midst of trying to keep up with everyone else. Also, during this time… I was dealing with this guy who wasn’t any good so of course it was a major distraction and I regret I let that affect my work ethic. But hey, life goes on.
Where I am currently right now… I still have a lot of issues I’m still working on. It’s not an overnight process. I’m still human and of course, I’m going to make mistakes. I just hope you all can understand where I’m coming from. My intentions wasn’t to just stop blogging all together but I just needed to come to my senses on getting myself together as a person. I wasn’t in the right head space. However, I’m slowly but surely getting back to the swing of things. I’m thankful for my friends who were very supportive during my struggle but I know everything will be fine. It’s just one of those times where a reality check had to come into place for me.
P.S I’ll get into more details on my work life, post-grad, and GUYS (ew, right?) haha!
but before you click out of here…
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LOVE YOU GUYS!!!